


A Cemetery by the Moon Unblessed

by Avengerz



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 11:57:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4918603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avengerz/pseuds/Avengerz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tony's in over his head, and Pepper's not around, he visits the cemetery where both Howard and Jarvis are buried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cemetery by the Moon Unblessed

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt for this can be found [here](http://spookyavengrs.tumblr.com/post/130087032591/i-have-this-little-headcanon-that-sometimes-when)
> 
> Title from a quote by Charles Baudelaire: "I am a cemetery by the moon unblessed."
> 
> Unbetaed so sorry for any mistakes

“Did you mean it? What you said in that tape? That I’m your greatest creation?” The black marble in front of him doesn’t answer, of course, and Tony’s bitter smile is reflected on its surface. “What kinda dad calls his son his creation, anyways? Not that you were much of a dad.” Tony looks away from the gravestone, away from the inscription. “Howard Stark.” He says out loud. The words are loud in the empty cemetery. “1917 to 1991.” Tony isn’t reading the words; he memorized them years ago. “Proud patriot; that’s true. Beloved husband and father.” Tony makes a sound that isn’t really a laugh. “Not quite as accurate.”

Tony runs a hand over his face, trying to ignore the way his fingers are starting to burn in the cold night air. “You were a shitty dad, and not much of a better husband. But at least, god,” Tony breaks off into another not-laugh and shakes his head. “At least you knew what you’re doing. I don’t know- dad-” He’s being pathetic. On the edge of tears at the grave of a father that never gave a shit about him anyways.

For a moment Tony is filled with black rage at the idea that even after all this time, even after the bastard is dead, Howard can still dredge up that little boy inside of Tony who just wants his dad to love him. He wants to rip up the flowers that had been planted around the grave, snap in half the little plastic flag stuck in front of it, kick and push at the gravestone until the monument topples over.

He doesn’t. He had tried, once, twenty-three years old and drunk off his ass and so, so angry. But it didn’t get him anywhere.

Instead Tony sucks in a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “It was too late anyways,” he tells the uncaring stone. “Maybe, if you had told me that when I was five, seven, hell, even thirteen, then maybe…” He trails off and shakes his head. “Whatever. I don’t know why I’m talking to you. It’s not like you ever cared about my problems anyways.” Tony draws himself upright and pulls off an intentionally sloppy salute. “See ya later, dad. Or not.”

It’s started to snow, but Tony is so numb he doesn’t feel the cold. Still, he takes note of the path his footsteps make from Howard’s grave to the one he really came to visit.

“Hey, Jarvis.”

Tony had ordered a bench to be installed next to Jarvis and Anna’s graves, and he sat down there now. “I really fucked up this time, J. You’re probably rolling your eyes right now, sayin’ something about how nothing is ever as bad as it seems, but I promise.” Tony’s smile is so twisted it might be more accurately called a grimace. “It’s bad. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fix this one. There’s hundreds of billions of dollars’ worth of damages, the US relations with Russia have been completely fucked over again, the Avengers and other super folk are under scrutiny, and it’s all my fault.” Tony’s hands twist around the bouquet he’s holding in half-frozen fingers. “I’ve got half of the worlds’ governments on my ass, trying to blame me, blame the rest of the Avengers, and yeah, sure it’s my fault, but it’s not theirs and I’m trying to protect them, right, but they don’t even want to- they fucked off to their special new base, that I paid for, by the way, basically kicked me off the team ‘cause they’ve got Rhodey now, and I’m barely keeping the UN from storming in and arresting them all, and Bruce is fuck knows where and JARVIS-” The tears that had been threatening finally fell, streaks of ice on Tony’s cheeks, and he hastily brushes them away. He knows Jarvis won’t mind, Jarvis never berated him for crying, never hit him, but old habits die hard.

“You remember my AI, right? Named him after you ‘cause you’re awesome, ha,” his laugh is forced and weak and he knows it, “um, yeah, well, he’s- well he’s not dead, exactly, but, um. He’s gone. And it…it sucks. It really sucks.” Tony looks down and brushes some snow off of the wrapping over the bouquet. “There’s this guy, Vision. He sounds like you, both of you, acts a little like you, but he…isn’t.” Tony rocks his head to one side and lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug. “Whatever. It’s whatever. I’ve lost people before, I lost you, he’s just a stupid AI, just some lines of code, whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

It does.

“Pepper’s still in California,” Tony says, abruptly changing the topic. “I keep inviting her to come back to New York, but- I mean, there’s a lot to do in Malibu, I get it, and the tower’s still kind of a wreck, it’s just that- She couldn’t even come for-” Tony breaks off into a sigh, and his breath clouds in front of his face. “I love her, I think. But I think I’ve fucked it up.” He rolls his head upwards and closes his eyes as he feels snowflakes land on his face in little flashes of cold. “I wish you were here, Jarvis. I could really use your expertise; you know I’m shit at relationships.” Like this, Tony can pretend that the liquid rolling down one cheek is just a melting snowflake. “I fuck them all up. Ty, Rumiko; I couldn’t even get my own parents to like me.” He’s pathetic. “Alright, sorry, I’m sorry, I’ve been throwing a pity party, huh?” Tony raises his head and cracks an eye open to regard Jarvis’s gravestone. “Kind of the only party I’ve been throwing lately, you’d be proud. No more drugs, no more wild sex.” Still a lot of drinking, but Jarvis doesn’t need to know that.

Tony forces himself to stand and brush the snow off of himself. “I’m going to do better, J,” he says quietly, a promise, and he doesn’t even know which Jarvis he’s addressing. “I’m going to protect them, I’m not going to let anyone get hurt.” He lays the bouquet down in the shadow of the grave, protected from the snow, before stepping back and shoving his frozen hands in the pockets of his jeans. The light gray stone is quickly becoming dusted in white, and the red of the roses stands out in bright contrast.

“Merry Christmas, Jarvis.” Tony flips the hood over his jacket over his head and ambles away, a dark figure disappearing along the path until only his footsteps show that he was ever there at all. Soon enough, those, too, disappear in the snow.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear what you guys think about this!  
> You, too, can prompt me at my new Marvel blog [spookyavengrs!](http://spookyavengrs.tumblr.com)


End file.
